


Diary of a Simpy Kid: Twitch Days

by arctic_penguino



Category: Diary of a Wimpy Kid Series - Jeff Kinney
Genre: Comedy, Cringe, Fan - Freeform, Fanfic, Fanfiction, Fic, Fiction, Humor, Kesha - Freeform, Kid - Freeform, Mod, POV, Parody, Quackity - Freeform, Quackityhq - Freeform, Simp, Streaming, Susan - Freeform, TikTok, Twitch - Freeform, Twitter, arcticpenguino, cartoon, cedarrapids, cheesetouch, chilling, chillingincedarrapids, chirag, chiraggupta, diaryofawimpykid, doask, doawk, frank - Freeform, fregley - Freeform, greg - Freeform, heffley, joke, manny - Freeform, moderator, peechat, pisschat, planetduck, pokimane - Freeform, rodrick - Freeform, rowley, simpy, streamer - Freeform, thecheesetouch, trending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28719654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arctic_penguino/pseuds/arctic_penguino
Summary: STORY ALSO ON WATTPAD! Almost a direct copy from that version. SUMMARY: Greg becomes a simp, Rodrick becomes a TikToker, and things don't go well.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Greg Discovers Twitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg Heffley finds out what Twitch is, discovers Pokimane, and things go downhill.

warning: this is all a joke. btw thanks for reading :)!

THANK YOU TO PEECHAT FOR THE IDEAS IN THIS BOOK!!! THIS IS DEDICATED TO YOU GUYS

JANUARY:

Sunday

Last week, I was given a computer as a Christmas gift, but now it's almost like it's a family computer. Mom, Dad, and even MANNY keep using it. He always somehow gets to watching Cocomelon on YouTube. Mom and Dad said he was not allowed to use it, but they thought he was just watching "harmless CARTOONS." It's like they don't care at all.

The good thing is that they're finally letting me do SOCIAL MEDIA. I found these cool websites and am planning on showing Rowley them when Winter Break ends. Other than that, I'm going to dread going back to SCHOOL.

MONDAY

At school today I was on my way to the blacktop when I overheard Fregley talking to some other kids. They mentioned something or someone called Twitch. I didn't understand what they were talking about, but I didn't really CARE. It was only when I got home that I got curious. So I searched up what it was, and I got really INTERESTED.

Twitch apparently was a website for live streaming, and a ton of entertaining people had accounts. I ended up finding some really FUNNY content creators. Not only that, but there were some really interesting ones. One of them who went by the name of Pokimane had especially good *content.* It turns out you can even DONATE to them on there. For now, I'll start becoming a fan of these people.

FRIDAY

I've been watching Twitch almost every hour I have at home these past few days. I've even talked to people like Chirag about it, and he said he was thinking about donating to SUPPORT some streamers. I want to also, but I don't even have any Christmas money left after buying all that Robux. Honestly, I'm starting to consider doing some shady things in order to GET some... Then if I had money, I could buy subscriptions or even a YooTooz. Other than that, things have been going well for once.

My grades are actually around C's rather than D's and F's, and nobody seems to be annoying me and my best friend, Rowley, for once. The only other bad thing is that it seems everyone besides me has phones nowadays, and with them, they're trying to bring up the CHEESE TOUCH again. I wish they would just leave it in the past. Basically, it started when a kid dropped a smelly piece of cheese on the blacktop and let it rot. It was gross and everyone avoided it, until someone accidentally stepped on it.

They started something called the Cheese Touch, where if YOU touched the cheese, you're rejected by everyone else. NOBODY wanted it, and if they knew you had it, which they somehow always did, they'd run away and scream at you. If someone touched the person with the Cheese Touch, it'd move on to them, and they'd scream at THEM. In the end, my best friend Rowley took one for the team and actually ate the cheese, straight from the black top. Then, I took A 2 FOR the team and pretended I was the one who ate it instead. Everyone hated me for a bit, but after Summer break, I guess everyone got bored of the gag and left it in history, thankfully.

Unfortunately, I guess my grade is feeling nostalgic, because some kid put a NEW piece of cheese on the blacktop and it's swiss this time. Not only did the Touch return to the public eye, but everyone is using their PHONE to spread rumors on Twitter about who has it, had it, and hating on them. Somehow they even got "#bobhasthecheesetouch" TRENDING during recess when Bobby MacDonald touched Lydia Smith, who had the Cheese Touch at the time. I just know that the next time people get a little too close to memories of the last cheese, they'll remember that I HAD it and "cancel me," whatever that means.

(end of the first part.)


	2. The Contest for Mod Position

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg starts donating to Poki and then gets jealous of something Rowley has that will shock you.

TUESDAY

\------------

I really hope my parents don't find this JOURNAL, NOT A DIARY, or anyone really, or else I'm in big trouble. Because what I'm about to admit is NOT very good...

I stole money from Mom's credit card. Okay, I know, not very pogchamp I MEAN moral.

But I knew we had just been given a few hundred dollars from Gramma, and my favorite streamer said they had fallen on HARD TIMES recently. So I figured it would be a good time to send my first DONATION. It appeared on the screen and everything, and it said "Greg_the_destroyer69 donated 100$!" The streamer, who was the person I mentioned earlier, Pokimane, even said my NAME.

I think I'll donate more in the future.

FEBRUARY

SATURDAY

\--------

I know it's been a while since I last wrote, but I've been busy trying to manage homework AND watching Twitch. I donated a good couple more times since the last entry, and I'm a big fan. At this point, I've become a REGULAR on Pokimane's streams. If only Holly Hills had a TWITCH, then I would definitely tune in. Yesterday, I shared my experiences with Rowley, who, and you would never guess. He ALSO watches Pokimane.

He says he is a 10-month sub and he has gifted 60 subs. I was super impressed, and I hate to say it, but I'm also JEALOUS. He never told me about any of that before, either. But that wasn't even the worst part. He said he has been a MODERATOR since 2 months ago.

Honestly, I got really mad at him. He should have told me all that 10 MONTHS AGO. I deserve that mod position, not HIM. Great. First, when he broke his arm and everybody loved him, then the Zoo Wee Mama incident, and now this. I even took the blame for the Cheese Touch, and he didn't even say THANKS. That was it. I said I was done, and that we were no longer friends, and left before he could say anything.

Maybe that was too harsh or a little rude, but sometimes friends have FALLING OUTS, and I just can't right now. Maybe one day soon we'll make up, but for now, I still CAN'T. It will be awkward when we see each other at lunch when school returns on Monday. I really need to become a moderator for Poki, and QUICK.

FRIDAY

\-------

Throughout the week, me and Rowley only talked once or twice, distant and angry. They weren't pleasant talks, to say the least. But today I came up with a new idea, a genius one, one that will give me the MOD spot. Sure, it would hurt our friendship even more, and ruin one of the only good things going for me...and it's very flawed, brings more problems to the table, and isn't actually really genius AT ALL. But I'm going to do it anyway.

Right now, as I'm reading this, I'm at recess, and I see him around the Four Square court. I'm going to go up to him and put my plan in ACTION.

SATURDAY

\--------

Yesterday went shockingly well, and I didn't expect it. I asked Rowley to give me HIS ACCOUNT on Twitch. He seemed surprised and angry at first, saying that it was his account and I was a "greedy friend." But then I explained I needed it because he was a MODERATOR, and I wanted it more than him anyway. I spent every waking MOMENT on Twitch, besides during school, but I even do it during HOMEWORK.

Rowley didn't seem too convinced, saying that everyone in Poki's community loved him and praised him. He said he wanted to keep the role to help out her and everyone else. I said that was selfish, because he held himself in such high regard, and he started to look WORRIED. He asked me in a panic if everyone else in the chat thought that way, and I took the opportunity. I told him it was very likely they DO.

Rowley, unsure of what to do, seemed to give up. He told me begrudgingly that he would give me the account as long as it fixed our friendship. He said it is very important to him and he wanted to keep hanging out with me. I promised him if he got the account, we'd be friends, and he AGREED. I'm very excited to finally be a mod. Really, I'm not sure if I CAN be friends with him, but at least I got the MODERATOR POSITION.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end of part 2.


	3. A Problematic "Friendship"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg and Rowley have an idea for a TikTok and also have a chaotic chat.

MONDAY

\---------

Ever since I got Rowley's account, I've been having the time of my LIFE. But everyone in the chat seems suspicious because I guess I don't type like he does. Fortunately, Pokimane really has been taking NOTICE of me. I even donated 50 subs yesterday. The bad news is, I'm still using Mom's VISA to buy them. She hasn't said anything about it yet, but I think she's suspicious of me TOO.

Yesterday, Rowley contacted me saying he wanted to be able to use his account, named "Rowley_Mama836290588," one last time. So I suggested that I come over to his HOUSE for a little. We watched Twitch on his account and even moderated together for an hour or 2, even though I was a little annoyed that he was trying to take OVER again. So I suggested we do something else on the internet, maybe on one of those popular APPS students use at school.

This made Rowley all EXCITED, and he said he wanted me to help him make a VIRAL video on the app called TikTok. This felt very familiar, and I started having FLASHBACKS to the last time we tried making a viral video. But Rowley said we could remake the video, but better, and it will actually become popular this time because it's a new TREND. I said that stupid Kesha song wouldn't get any clicks, but Rowley had another idea.

He said everyone would be interested if he COSPLAYED as Kesha in the video. At first I was confused, and I said that sounded WEIRD. But he said he wanted to have a MOP on his head in the video. I figured that sounded like a video I might click on, and the song is actually CALLED TikTok, so I told him we should do it. I never told him that he went VIRAL a year or so back and I kept it a secret the first time. Rowley made an account, and I made one myself just in case.

His account was named ZooWeeRowley and mine was P0kimane_Stan. I used Rowley's phone to film it and put it on his account. Rowley took the mop and put it on his head, and he began lip syncing. After a good few seconds, the TikTok was recorded, and we even edited the whole thing. Unfortunately, the moment we were going to post it, Rowley's MOM walked in. Rowley explained what we were doing, all excited, but his mom wasn't happy. She said that we shouldn't be putting our faces on the INTERNET and you never know what weird people will SEE it.

Rowley looked like he was about to break into TEARS when she told him this. He thought if we uploaded the video, someone would do something BAD with it. After the scolding, his mom warned us NOT to post it, and left. Rowley cried not to put the video out, so I reluctantly agreed. I guess we can forget about the viral video idea.

THURSDAY

\------

I'm getting more and more nervous by the day that I'm going to get CAUGHT. I've donated over 7,000 dollars from Mom's PayPal to Pokimane at this point. From this point on, I won't mention when I'm donating anymore, just in case she sees me WRITING this. Anyway, today at school, things didn't go great. I'm finding a hard time staying friends with Rowley nowadays, since the Moderator Incident. Not only that, but all of that watching Twitch and keeping secrets really distracted me from WORK.

My grades are back to D's and F's again, and not only that, but me and Rowley just had another big FIGHT. It started at lunch when I was telling him about the 100 subs I just donated to Pokimane. He said that he really was missing his account, and he even said he wished he hadn't GAVE it to me. I told him I didn't want him backing out of it, and he agreed in the first place so there were no take-backsies. I didn't want him guilt tripping me. Rowley said the account had his name, email, and everything, so he had the right to get it BACK.

I tried telling him he was all wrong, but he just pretended not to listen, and eventually we started yelling. Somehow, the conversation just spiraled into an argument about a ton of random things. We started debating about the TikTok we tried making from that weekend, and then the kid's at school's TikToks, and then the subjects IN school, and it somehow just spiraled into arguing about apple juice.

We started debating about the TikTok we tried making from that weekend, and then the kid's at school's TikToks, and then the subjects IN school, and it somehow just spiraled into arguing about apple juice.

In the end, the lunch bell rang, and I shouted at him that this time, we really were done. I even added I was going to CHANGE the account's email, and ran out.

On the bright side, at least I got TWITCH PRIME today.

MARCH  
\-----

TUESDAY

I got busted today. Mom found out about the poop sock I MEAN about the money I was stealing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO BE CONTINUED.  
> end of part 3. haha cliffhanger ):)))


	4. Caught!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg may have gotten caught stealing Susan's money...and not only that, but his siblings are upset too.

Okay, I'm ready to continue the entry from earlier. This is what happened.

It all started a few days ago, when Rodrick saw me on the computer DONATING. He told me he would tell Mom if I didn't BUY him things with the money. I knew if he told Mom, I would be grounded not only from the PC, but from EVERYWHERE for a YEAR. Then I couldn't be a mod ANYMORE. Scared I was going to lose everything, I agreed.

Rodrick told me to order a new triple deluxe Gold-Silver 5000 Drum set 1.0, matching drumsticks, a new ultra clear microphone, a karaoke set, and a couple of matching black leather jackets for his band, Löded Diper. This ended up being over 1,000 DOLLARS. But I had no choice. And throughout the week, all the stuff came here while everyone was at work and Manny was at DAYCARE.

But just this morning, Mom came down to the basement, where Rodrick kept his band stuff, and she was FURIOUS. She said she saw all the band items on her AMAZON. Rodrick said he didn't order it, it just came here, but she didn't believe him. Then, she said something horrible...

I was secretly watching them, and Rodrick looked MAD. He told her he didn't spend the money, but she still wouldn't listen. She said we'd refund everything we bought, take Rodrick's instruments away for 3 MONTHS, and ground him for half a year. Rodrick started yelling about why that was cruel and he would have nothing to DO. He also said it was ME, not him, who did it. (which is obviously not true haha :)))

But Mom just took him out of the basement and locked the door from the outside. Before they could get any angrier, I ran away. But when Rodrick saw me later, he said I was "dead." So that's great.

SUNDAY

\-------

The other day I started to notice how many people actually use TikTok. I was browsing the app when I saw a really popular one that actually USED a Kesha song. I started to really wish WE HAD posted it, but me and Rowley haven't talked in days. I am sure it would have gone VIRAL. The only real good thing going for me is my mod status and maybe the fact Mom hasn't caught me yet.

But then I realized something. If I were to post the video anyway, Rowley and his mom wouldn't KNOW. I would be even more popular. So, just a few minutes ago, I posted IT. It doesn't have any views yet, but I am sure it will. Anyway, another thing happened the other day I forgot to write about, but it was a CLOSE ONE. I was planning on donating one more time to Pokimane when I saw Manny was on the computer again.

I didn't say anything, deciding to wait until he was done before I took it. But then I saw what he was REALLY looking at...it was POKIMANE. He was using my ACCOUNT to watch her, and I got WORRIED. He even asked me what a PEPE is. I told him to get off the PC, but he wouldn't listen, and no matter what I said, he wouldn't stop saying the word "SIMP." I was tired of him, so I closed out his tab, told Mom he was watching an inappropriate website, and he was dragged away, crying.

I was tired of him, so I closed out his tab, told Mom he was watching an inappropriate website, and he was dragged away, crying. That was pretty much all that happened today, so I'll update again when I'm less busy with school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end of part 4. sorry this part was kind of short and more story rather than jokes and that it took so long for me to put this out lol. also pog i figured out images so GO BACK TO THE OTHER CHAPTERS TO SEE THAT I ADDED PICTURES :D


	5. The TikTok Fiasco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go wrong when Greg uploads the tiktok and manny sucks hard.

WEDNESDAY

===========

You won't believe this, but guess how many views the TikTok has. 378K!!!!! ROWLEY just went VIRAL. Here are some of the comments: 

"This kid is S OMEGALUL funny PogU," -- fregley32stinky

"The mop on his head tho (laughing crying emoji) ," -- chirag_chees3, 

"LOL what is going on in this video," -- VrgeGamezzz

"HAHAHA!!!! ROFLCOPTER LMAO! LOL'D!" -- pluem0usetouch. 

I'm still in awe, and I never even TOLD Rowley about it. I'm still wondering if I should. We definitely won't be friends if I do, and he might even make me delete the video out of fear or anger, but it feels like the right thing to DO. But who knows what might happen if I do...if only I could ask someone what to do. So, I DID.

I went on TikTok, made another one, and some of my new followers saw it. I had 109K, by the way. In it, I recorded an image of Rowley and said in a caption "Hey, so, this kid in my viral TikTok? He's MY BEST FRIEND. My name is Greg, and I'm actually a MOD for the streamer Pokimane at twitch.tv/Pokimane. The bad part is, I haven't told my friend I uploaded HIS VIDEO. Should I tell him, and risk our friendship, or keep it as secret? Thanks, followers. Remember to LIKE and FAVORITE and FOLLOW or else I'll come to your grandma's house and throw her off a roof! :)"

I figured that video would go over WELL with my best fans, but not so much with people looking for a funny video. Luckily, in only a few hours, I got 60K views thanks to my loyal followers looking for a sequel to my FIRST video. The bad news was, the comments and the like ratio were NOT good. This time, I got comments like: 

"Wow. I really thought you were a kind kid who just wanted others to laugh, but the truth was, that's YOUR FRIEND. I'm unfollowing, I can't believe this :I," -- baconnsoap_ 

"wtf thats rlly messed up, yea you should tell ur friend! Good thing i never followed you," --badboysapnap_not_found_wastaken

"you didn't tell him?? That kid should stop being friends with you, bc that's a super lame thing to do dude. If he had a tiktok, i'd support the guy," --- hollyh1llz 

"I'm no longer following you. A person who would upload a video of their friend without their permission is NOT a friend, and a REALLY awful person. I thought you would be a cool new creator but ig i was wrong ):( Hope your friend's okay though," -- Loxta_

"OMG I love pokimane!! Your a mod?? DUDE awesome," -- big_chungus0 

"huh this guy got exposed fast for his awful actions. New world record??" -- gabbyriehl 

and even 

"I AM CHARLI D'AMELIO! IF YOU WANT A FREE GIFT CLICK ON MY PFP! IF YOU FOLLOW ME, I FOLLOW U <3 wap," -- realCarlieDamelo!! 

That...was NOT GOOD. I went from 109K followers to 71K in just a day, and it's still lowering. I'm really nervous now...but I guess I owe it to Rowley to tell him the truth, delete the video, and quit TikTok.

I just need a day or two to cope with all this HATE. I'll update this on the weekend.

SATURDAY

==========

So much has happened since my last entry I don't know where to START. I guess I'll start with the biggest news...earlier today, I was actually caught this time. MOM REALIZED it was ME spending the money. Not only that, but on Friday, I told Rowley about the TikTok right after deleting it. He looked more betrayed than the time I terrorized those children and blamed it on him. I did tell him I deleted it though. He didn't seem very grateful, though, saying he wasn't safe with his face on the Internet, even though it wasn't up anymore.

He almost started crying, but in the end, I apologized and told him I wanted to stay friends anyway. Well, apparently Rowley DIDN'T. Without a word, just looking angry and upset, he walked away. I had tried to show him the positive comments and likes on the video before deleting it, but he didn't seem to CARE. He said it didn't matter, but he did say it was too late for him, and his face and mutual were already LEAKED. I tried to say only one mutual, but he didn't want to hear it, and when I got to the apology part, he had left.

Well if he didn't want to be friends, I didn't EITHER. Sure, trying to find a new friend didn't always work, but that's because it was before I knew CHIRAG watched Twitch. So I said to myself I'd try to talk to HIM on Monday. In the meantime, things could be worse. Sure, my best friend hates me, my viral video had to be deleted and my reputation on TikTok got ruined, and my grades are really bad, but at least I was still popular on Twitch. And Chirag was my new BACKUP. At least, so I thought. But things really weren't going well, and I totally realized this when Mom approached me earlier today and told me she knew I donated money to someone.

I tried to tell her I had no idea what she meant, but she said that she saw her bank account was still losing money, even after she had busted Rodrick. I told her he must have gone behind her back even though she knew, but she said that wasn't possible. And when I asked why, she said something I must have missed when Rodrick first got in trouble... she said she REVOKED RODRICK'S INTERNET ACCESS. She took his phone, changed the passwords on the computers, and turned off the WiFi when only Rodrick was home. My heart practically dropped, knowing with those kind of restrictions, there was no way he could blame it on Rodrick. I was in deep trouble.

She said she knew somebody had been "donating" and getting "Tier 3 subs" to "Twitch," but she wasn't sure what those things even meant. Before I could come up with words to say, somebody said something... a voice said the word "subs." We turned around and it was MANNY. I guess he had been on my account again. But then he kept saying words like "simp" and "mod" and "poggers."

Suddenly mom didn't look too angry anymore, and she turned back to me and said..."I'm sorry, Greg." I was really shocked.

She said that she was apologizing because MANNY was the one paying from her PayPal on accident, or at least she thought so. The truth was she was wrong, but I was so relieved. She still was mad though, turning on Manny and scolding him. As he began to cry, she pulled out her phone and dialed a random number. She started saying she was going to CALL TWITCH and tell them to REFUND her money. She told Manny she was going to take it up with their CEO. I wanted to tell her it didn't work that way, but I figured it would be better for me if I just DIDN'T.

Meanwhile, Manny was really sniffling and blubbering about being in trouble and not wanting to, and he didn't do that. And he kept saying these slang words WRONG, until at that point mom was really annoyed. But his cries just kept getting LOUDER, and eventually I got tired of it. So I left the room and I've been writing this ever since. It seems he finally stopped crying now, so I'm going to find out what happened.

I'm going to go check Poki's stream status, but I don't think I'll be donating again anytime SOON.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (end of pt5. btw all the names mentioned in this besides are fake TikTok usernames. so dont go searching for fregley's tiktok LOL)


	6. The Part Where Things Go Kinda Downhill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A terrible thing happens to Greg, and his school becomes weird. Now a full-fledged MYSTERY is on his hands...

MONDAY

\-------

I put my plan to get a backup-Rowley into action today at school. I decided to approach Chirag after Science, so we could talk and try to be friends at lunch, but I got distracted by some weird kids at school. People kept jumping onto tables and YELLING about chilling in some rapids place? It didn't make any sense. School has gotten EXTRA weird recently. Even Fregley is stranger than usual. Anyway, I found Chirag during recess alone and I walked up.

He was wearing a black and orange hoodie with a strangely planet-like duck on it, and he said hello. I greeted him back and I told him everything: how me and Rowley had all those fights, how I'm looking for a new friend...and he looked a bit confused at first. He asked me if I was REPLACING Rowley, and I said no. I just said I direly needed a new FRIEND. Chirag said that friendship didn't really work that way, but he said we could see how well we got along for a little bit.

Eventually, he started saying I was actually kind of COOL. I even told him my Twitch and everything. He seemed to be a big fan of Pokimane too, so that was AWESOME. Especially because it was pleasing to see how JEALOUS he looked when I mentioned I was her mod. Maybe we'll actually become good friends. So I think that went well.

TUESDAY

\--------

Today all started normally, but it quickly went DOWNHILL. It started with me logging on Twitch when something awful happened. It said, "You cannot log in right now. You have been logged in from a different device." I was really scared, because I didn't USE any other devices. That must mean someone else FOUND MY PASSWORD. My first suspect was mom, but she didn't even have Twitch on her phone, and obviously Manny didn't. Dad didn't even know anyone was donating our money, and Rodrick...

I ran into his room, where he was listening to Sicko Mode through his AirPods and sulking on the bed. I tried telling him about the situation but he couldn't hear me. But then, when he could hear me, he told me he was still BANNED from using the Internet for the rest of the week, so he had no idea what I was TALKING about. Noticing all this must be true, I realized the person who hacked my account must have been an OUTSIDER, not a family member. And THAT must mean that ROWLEY took my account. He must have been angry and decided to take it BACK.

I asked Mom if I could go to his house to ask him something, and she said yes. I ran to his house and knocked on the door, but it was his DAD that answered. Now, Rowley's dad really doesn't like me, and never has. So I felt extra worried when it was him who opened the door, frowning at me. I told him breathlessly that I had to talk to Rowley and it was an EMERGENCY. But then he said that Rowley said we weren't FRIENDS anymore, and my heart died a little. Apparently he told his PARENTS and his father was extra mad at me. How would they let me in now? But luckily he looked back inside and called Rowley that I was here.

Rowley came up to the door, not looking pleased, and I told him that the Twitch account was HACKED. Rowley looked panicked for a minute, but then he said that it wasn't his anymore ANYWAY. I asked him as calmly as I could if he DIDN'T hack it then. He seemed really butthurt, saying OF COURSE he didn't. He said since I changed the password last week he didn't KNOW the new one. I realized this was true just as he shut the door on me. What a JERK.

Anyway, I was really confused as to who it could have BEEN then. All the possible suspects were out of the picture except for...POKIMANE'S CHAT. They all know I'm a moderator, so maybe they got JEALOUS of me and tried to HACK me. I mean, I've practically been doing everything for her, and she's done a lot for ME too. I can see why you might be jealous. But I worked HARD to get this spot, and I'm not just gonna GIVE IT AWAY and LET IT GO to any old schmoe, even if he's a desperate I*CEL! Sorry, I just had deja vu.

Anyhow, I'm gonna log onto my Greg_the_destroyer69 account and see if I can find anyone who KNOWS something. I'll update this with what happened tomorrow.

WEDNESDAY

\---------

The good news is, I found out HOW I got hacked. The bad news is, it's not pretty. It started with me hopping onto Pokimane's offline chat and being relieved when it was busy. I tried to tell everyone that I WAS Rowley_Mamas, this was my backup account, and after a few questions they seemed to believe me. One user named Kicktriple, who was VERIFIED, said everyone in chat was freaking out because my account being hacked was BIG NEWS. I was really shocked and starting to worry. I asked if someone knew why, and we brainstormed what the reason possibly could BE.

Eventually, we came to the conclusion that I must have leaked some kind of personal info. I couldn't recall anything like that, and we thought of it for almost an hour when I realized something... I told chat that I did have numbers in my username, and that's when a user named yunachung said it could have been a CREDIT CARD NUMBER or something. That's when I realized that ROWLEY made the username, not ME, and I wouldn't know if the number was a phone number or WHAT. I decided to ask him tomorrow, and logged off. I just hope the account wasn't off doing awful things like TIME OUT THE WHOLE CHAT or LEAVE DURING A STREAM or RUIN MY REPUTATION. Or even...HATE ON POKIMANE.

I shudder thinking about it now...but it's unfortunately VERY POSSIBLE.

I'll update this tomorrow if one of those things happen.


	7. The Hacker Investigation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg tries to find out who did dun done dand it by asking around and even confronting the person themself.

FRIDAY

So yesterday, I realized Rowley was DUMBER than I thought when I talked to him at lunch. At first he kept asking me why I would sit next to him after we stopped being friends, but that's when I told him the SITUATION. And that's when he admitted it. He said in the username he put his SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER IN. I started yelling at him about how STUPID he was and that you can't just put your SSN in your USERNAME. He had to have me explain why it was so bad, and when I did, he looked like he was gonna have a BREAKDOWN. He started panicking about how he was probably gonna get all his info leaked and DIE.

I told him now the damage had already been done, and we just needed to focus on getting the account BACK first. I told him we should try messaging the person who took it by whispering to the Rowley_Mamas account. So after school he came over to my house and we did just THAT. We wrote, "hey I know you stole this account from me, what's the deal ? who are you? give it back!!" 

We waited a half hour when the hacker RESPONDED. They said, "LUL no way dude, I'm a mod now and there's nothin u can do. By the way, good going with putting your ssn in your username OMEGALUL." I replied angrily, "look man, I didnt make my username, now stop being a jerk and GIVE IT BACK. I'm reporting you!!!" A minute later they said, "L". Rowley asked me what was supposed to mean, but before I could answer the hacker sent another message. "what are you gonna do? cry about it? tell on me?"

Furiously, I said, "YEAH WELL MAYBE ILL TELL POKIMANE! how about THAT butthole!" And then he just sent a bunch of laughing emojis. Then he sent a couple of messages that REALLY surprised me:

"well I think I figured it out

"let me guess

"you use Rowleys account to mod for poki

"but you're actually greg."

Me and Rowley exchanged a shocked glance and I said, "how did you know??" "I could tell from UR USERNAMES. you've been flaunting it at school," the hacker said. "wait so you know us?" I asked, and he texted back, "yep and you know me. but you dont know me HERE. hahahahaha BUT I can give you a hint." "ugh well what is it??" I asked, and the hacker's final message, the hint, was... 

"juice"

MONDAY

We spent all of recess and lunch asking people what the word juice meant to them. Most people didn't have any connections to the word, so I narrowed it down to three students. First, Patty Farrell, who drank juice every day at lunch. But she was so CLUELESS I was sure she didn't know anything, saying she didn't even know what Twitch WAS. So we moved onto our second suspect, Bryce Anderson, who said he met a dude with the nickname Juice once.

But apparently Juice lived in Wisconsin and never met us before. I also knew Bryce didn't watch anything like Twitch and we hadn't talked in weeks, so I figured it was unlikely he would hack my account. So I moved onto our most likely suspect, FREGLEY. I knew he liked Twitch, and while me and him don't personally have beef, I knew he was a weird enough kid to do it. I was thinking about it all weekend when it hit me... Fregley ALWAYS says juice as his codeword for when he needs to go to the bathroom. How could it NOT be him? 

When we approached him though, he seemed lost. He understood the juice thing, but he never knew that you COULD hack someone. I tried telling him not to lie to me, but he insisted he was telling the truth. Now that I was thinking about it, the way the hacker talked was kind of unlike Fregley, and this WHOLE debacle was.

I decided to call it quits while I was ahead, and I told Rowley we could think about it and maybe do one more interrogating session. But for now we'd just try getting the account BACK. For the rest of recess, I talked to Chirag, and he asked me why I was hanging out with Rowley when we weren't FRIENDS anymore.

Then I told him everything and said once the case was closed, I was never talking to Rowley again. Chirag said that was good, and call me crazy, but I think he sounded kind of BITTER. Anyway, this chaos has become a little TOO MUCH for me. I hope we can solve this and put the hacking, Rowley, and maybe even Twitch, in the past.

Or I'll just change the username and email. Yeah, that sounds about right. 

But I have got to admit, Chirag is a pretty great replacement Rowley. At this point, I think I'd be happiest if he and I could just run away from this whole mess. No annoying younger brothers, no hackers, no friends you can't trust, no parents you have to keep secrets from, and NO rude older brothers that use TikTok.

Oh, wait. Did I forget to mention that?


	8. The Rodrick Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A part all about Greg's relationship with Rodrick, forever ruined by an un-seeable video in his head. Not only that, but there is pranks, Loded Diper shenanigans, and other family matters.

TUESDAY

\---------

Over the weekend, I found out Rodrick has been doing some QUESTIONABLE things. It all started when he got busted, and he apparently was really angry at me. He started really doing some awful things until it came to the point that he put MOUSE TRAPS on my bed. Luckily I saw it before lying down, but I could have DIED. So that was all great. Worse than that, I caught him using TIKTOK on Sunday. It all started when I went to ask him where my jacket was when I saw him making weird faces at his phone.

He said something like, "Ayo what's POPPING my epic gamers in the CRIB! Don't forget to stream our newest hit single, Exploded Diper! We are trying to get it to #1 on the CHARTS! This has been your LODED UPDATE for the day! Remember to stay swag my diperz!" So I was kind of weirded out. I went to find his account and found it, with the username l0deddiper_myRodrick. Long story short, I'll never be able to look at him the same way again.

I went through all of his TikTok, and honestly, the deeper in I went, the stranger and STRANGER the videos got. They all had captions like "POV: I approach u and ur toxic bf in the corner of a popular kidz party." That already was weird, but they got even more weird, until the point I was almost TRAUMATIZED. They started odd, but then they became insane, with captions like "POV: I kidnap u and discuss all the ways i'm gonna try to kill u." One of them even said "ASMR." I'm not really sure what that means, but I figured it wasn't something GOOD.

In all the videos, he was making faces and doing and saying some stuff I'd rather not REPEAT. Actually, I'd like to FORGET. Anyway, every comment on the videos actually seemed kind of POSITIVE. Rodrick seems to have more fans than ever before since he started posting and promoting his music. Not only that, but some weird people apparently enjoy his TikTok content, and he already has 2k followers. The only downsides are the limited hate comments and his like-to-dislike ratio. I did see some people saying in the comments that he was a "eboy" and a "thirst trap." I wasn't sure what that meant either, considering there weren't any drinks in his videos.

That's when I came upon the most recent TikTok this afternoon, and the caption said, "Don't tell him, but after busting me like that he saw it coming ):)))" I had a sickening feeling I knew what it was referring to. In the video, it said, "So I found the funniest thing..." in a caption. I knew then exactly what the video was about to be...and it was his BEST one yet. It had 9.8k views ALREADY. Rodrick was showing a book in the clip, and I guess I didn't hide my journals well enough, because that was what the book WAS. The captions said, "...my younger brother's DIARY."

He showed off one of the entries where I was talking about HOLLY HILLS, who by the way, I'm OVER now. So I guess he found an outdated entry of mine. The last time I really talked to any of the girls was when I told them about my mod status, and I even called Holly just to tell her, but they didn't seem IMPRESSED. They definitely won't if they ever see this TikTok, so let's hope it doesn't BLOW UP. If I can just find out the password for his account, maybe I can DELETE it. But then he might catch me, so I'm not really sure WHAT to do.

Other than that, besides Rodrick constantly trying to get revenge on me after I busted him, family life's been pretty uninteresting recently. Manny has resorted to a life of a cyberbully on Mom's phone when she isn't paying attention, Dad's been into football, and Mom's been planning a trip to Gramma's house for Easter. One good thing I forgot to mention was that yesterday, Mom told Rodrick his punishment was cut short because she thought MANNY was buying everything the whole time. Ever since, he's been watching a lot of YouTube in his free time, because after we had to return the band stuff he bought, he's taking a break from music things. He said once his birthday came around and he got NEW drums, then he'd go back to making Löded Diper songs.

He said his new album was gonna be called "Pizz & Shiz." In the meantime, he's watching a YouTuber I've heard about, but I didn't know his actual name. I'm gonna ask him and tell more tomorrow.

WEDNESDAY

\---------

Well, I learned a lot more about Rodrick's new favorite YouTuber, and it's not GOOD. His name is LeafyIsHere, and it turns out he is POKIMANE'S worst ENEMY. So I guess the parallels between me and Rodrick are really ironic. Now he's saying he wants to rename his TikTok to RodrickIsHere, so that's just great. Anyway, today at school Chirag was acting even stranger than he did the other day. I'm starting to think he's JEALOUS of me for some reason. Besides all that, school has started being better ever since my account got hacked. I started focusing on school work more so now my grades are getting a bit higher. Even Chirag, besides the jealousy thing, is pretty cool. I'm starting to wonder if me and Rowley will ever be friends AGAIN. Speaking of which...

Me and him did one more investigation, and after that, we decided we wouldn't team up again unless some other news about the hacker came out. I told Chirag this because I figured that was why he was acting weird, but he didn't seem any HAPPIER. Now I was really confused, but I didn't say anything. I might tomorrow though. But for now, I'm not gonna try finding that hacker. I'll change the password or something this weekend, but I've asked almost EVERYONE at school, to no avail. Today I even interrogated Holly, Scotty Douglas, Albert Sandy, and Preston Mudd. But I seemed to have hit a dead END. Here were all their responses:

Preston: "Sorry, I've never heard of Pokey Main before, but I hope you get your account back."

Albert: "Wow, you got hacked, that's INSANE! I'd like to meet that guy and find out how he does it. It's pretty interesting! Oh, sorry, is that not a good thing?"

Scotty: "I'm not allowed to use computers, what's a moderator?

Holly: "What? No, I didn't hack you. Go away."

They didn't have anything to do with juice, anyway. Oh well. Maybe I'll contact the hacker again and ask for more information. In the meantime, I'm gonna try and delete that stupid diary TikTok RODRICK posted.

\------------


	9. Hackers and Fakers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALL OF DOASK IS NOW OFFICIALLY UP TO DATE ON HERE AS IT IS TO THE WATTPAD VERSION! In this chapter, Greg continues to learn more about the hacking, and some serious realizations are made. Somehow, his world is still full of plenty of twists and turns that will shock not only him, but YOU TOO.

FRIDAY

So I deleted the TikTok on Rodrick's account yesterday, and it was really easy. Turns out he writes all his passwords on his door so he doesn't forget them. Plus, it was just "lodeddiper123" anyway. Today I finally messaged the hacker again, though, asking for a new HINT. They just replied now, with this message: "First letter F, ginger hair." I didn't understand it at first, but now, I think I know who the HACKER IS. I realized the hacker meant their first name started with "F." And I only knew one ginger with a name starting in "F" at our school. And he had LOTS to do with "juice." So he must have been LYING to us. Probably should have guessed that...

Futaba-- I MEAN-- Fregley really WAS the HACKER.

During recess, I found him next to the monkey bars, hooting and hollering. I wasn't sure why, but when I came over, he stopped. I told him that I knew he was LYING and he WAS the hacker. He seemed really surprised, saying his mom didn't even let him on the internet. I wasn't so sure, considering the last time he said his mom didn't let him do things, he did it anyway and got really HYPER on candy. So I said I wasn't buying it and wanted to see his phone to see if he had PROOF he didn't have Twitch. But then he said he didn't HAVE a phone. I guess that made sense, but I said I was gonna have to go to his house and see his COMPUTER.

That's when he said again that he isn't allowed ON. And that's when I remembered something. Fregley was the first one I heard TALKING about Twitch. So he was LYING. I told him this and he said that he could use the internet only on the WEEKENDS. That seemed like something you would remember to mention, so I accused him of really being the hacker and he was making all this UP. He tried to insist that wasn't true and he didn't watch Pokiemane, but I said I didn't believe him. That's when Fregley seemed to give up, saying he was just going to LEAVE and never talk to me again. I said that would be just fine, but I needed my account back first.

Fregley just said to change the email or something, ignored the fact that HE was the one who hacked it, and walked away. I was so sure he was being suspicious that I was sure he was the hacker. But now I was starting to DOUBT myself. Who else could it be, though..? Every other kid with red hair in the school either didn't have names starting with F or they didn't have anything relating to juice. But if it WAS Fregley, then why did he ignore the fact that he sent a bunch of hints about it being him? None of this was making sense. So I decided to stop for the day, and get my account back once school ended.

For the rest of recess, I decided to hang out with Chirag, but I guess the world decided to make this recess eventful, because he had something to say. He finally admitted why he seemed so ANGRY over the last few days. He said that he knew that me and Rowley actually still WERE friends and his friendship with me was all a TRICK. I was really surprised, and I told him that was totally a LIE. I asked where he got that from, and he said that everyone was TALKING about it. I said I didn't see anyone talking about it, but I guess I never really pay attention to the people around me recently. Then I said that was all a RUMOR. Me and Rowley always have falling outs, and it would be weird if this time it was a trick. I've NEVER tricked anyone at school before anyway. I think.

Anyway, Chirag didn't seem completely convinced, and he was actually starting to look SAD. He said if those rumors were true, then he was really BETRAYED. I told him I would never do that, and that Rowley isn't smart or mean enough to pull something like that. And then I said I obviously wasn't mean EITHER. Everyone seemed to have crowded around us, and I even heard someone say that Chirag was "finally confronting me." So people really HAVE been thinking our friendship was fake. I said that I didn't know WHO came up with this, but it's absolutely ridiculous, and there was no way it was true.

Even Rowley came over, asking what was going ON. Some kid in the crowd told him that his "secret" just got exposed and he didn't have to hide it anymore. That he and I have been tricking Chirag, and everyone, that we weren't FRIENDS. Rowley seemed taken aback, and I protested that there was no reason to trick Chirag. Rowley agreed, saying that he had no clue what they were talking about. Some people started to look doubtful that it was true, but others still thought we were lying. I told everyone that they could believe what they wanted, but it wasn't TRUE, and then the school bell rang. I turned back to Chirag as everyone hesitantly left.

I apologized for all the confusion today and said maybe I'd get him something to make up for it. He seemed pretty surprised, so I guess he really WAS fooled. Oh well. I went to my next class and when I got home, I changed the username and password on the Twitch account. Now the username was "Greg_Mamas_420." I had to change the email first and link it to susanheffley@aol.com instead of the one I was using, greg_poggers@gmail.com. Anyway, right before I changed the email, the hacker sent one last message.

"Congrats. You got me."

And then the account was mine again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end of part 9. part 10 out by tomorrow i'm guessing. if you didn't understand, the image and joke about the hacker at the start of the chapter was a reference to a video game.


	10. The Truth Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg finds out new info, crazy crap goes down, and his family continues to annoy him.

**APRIL**

TUESDAY

So today was absolutely INSANE. Ever since I got my account back, things have been going smoothly on Twitch. I'm finally Pokimane's mod again, and everyone seemed happy that I was BACK. Unfortunately, I had to clear some stuff up, because apparently the hacker had been spreading LIES about me. I was really shocked and scared to learn that one of those lies, was a very familiar rumor...the CHIRAG thing. About me and Rowley faking the friendship. This really proved the hacker went to our school and knew me, or maybe had it OUT for me. I guess some kids from our school heard and started spreading it around.

Some of Poki's fans said that the hacker pretended to be me, saying horrible things, like how I tricked some kid into being my friend, which was the rumor about Chirag. Apparently the hacker also abused the mod powers, unfairly timing out and even BANNING everyone. I was really worried, and eventually Pokimane UN-MODDED me. So in a donation, I explained everything, and I even gifted 20 subs to show I was nice and not lying. It took a lot of convincing, but I finally got my MOD title back. All the friends I made in chat helped vouch for me, too. So in the end, for the Twitch problem, everything seemed to work out.

Wish I could say the same about my FAMILY problems. Yesterday was APRIL FOOLS, and Rodrick did not take that fact lightly. He was pulling pranks left and right. It started with a few lies, and then became "accidental" trip ups, until it was all full-fledged TORMENT. Long story short, I had to change my shirt because of APPLE PIES multiple times. I think this was another part of his "revenge plan" to get back at me. It wasn't much better at school, either. 

It was pretty much minor pranks, nothing too serious, until recess...that's when somehow, the worst thing yet of the day happened. Today, while I was sitting by the basketball court, I witnessed first-hand Tyson Sanders tripping onto the blacktop right on top of the new piece of CHEESE. I knew immediately what this meant, and the people playing basketball with him pointed and yelled that he had the cheese TOUCH. Then they all ran away. So that was just perfect. I left before Tyson could think of trying to give it to ME. For the rest of recess, I went to speak with Chirag.

I actually got him a packet of M&M's to make up for the trouble that whole rumor thing brought him. At this point, he seemed about 65% convinced that I'm NOT lying about our friendship. Which is the majority, but it wasn't good enough. So I decided to be extra nice. Unfortunately, I think April 1st was a BAD DAY to try acting KIND. Anyway, that was pretty much everything that happened on this year's April Fools. But somehow today was even CRAZIER. I found out who REALLY is the HACKER. And you'll never believe who it is.

It all started during recess, when I was hanging around the blacktop, bored. I was considering trying to talk to Chirag some more when somebody called my name angrily. As I turned around, the person said something that really SHOOK me...

I faced the student who said it, who was finally confronting me...the real HACKER. 

It was my DAD, Frank Heffley.

LATE APRIL FOOLS!! Okay, but seriously. 

The ACTUAL hacker was standing furiously in front of me, hands on her hips. Oh, yeah, and I was even more shocked to realize it was a GIRL. 

The person who lied and stole my Twitch account was HOLLY HILLS. She was saying that she was going to completely "ruin my reputation" yesterday for April Fools and then I got the account back from her. I was speechless but I was also so mad I wanted to beat her UP. I finally managed to ask WHY she stole it. She explained that she was Pokimane's "biggest fan" before I become a mod. All dramatic, she practically told me her whole life STORY. How she had a Tier 3 sub, had gifted plenty, and donated once or twice, how she was practically a friend to Pokimane and how she had really tried becoming a mod.

But apparently once I GOT mod, she lost her chance or something. And since she already didn't like me, for some reason, she tried to get it back and finally have something BAD happen to me. So maybe she hadn't been ignoring me, but secretly HATING me this whole time. So none of this felt good. Then she said that even though she liked Rowley, she brought him in on the rumor about me and him faking that friendship with Chirag. She just knew we weren't friends anymore and used it for her own advantage. Apparently she had learned how to hack and everything through long days of research prior.

That's when I remembered that back when I made that TIKTOK, I saw her account in my COMMENTS. Curious, I soon realized it was a SECRET account, and every TikTok she made seemed like a side of her she was keeping secret. In most of her videos she talked either about how she was learning how to code and other technical things, or about the latest ANIME she was watching. Yeah, apparently Holly watches anime. She seemed like she really didn't want anybody to know that fact, but in one of her videos, she said that she was trying to become like an anime character in REAL LIFE. 

So I guess we had a weaboo hacker on our hands. No wonder she was acting all dramatic. She was practically an ANIME VILLIAN. Anyway, I started to realize something. I asked Holly how she could be the hacker when the hacker had RED HAIR and their name started with F. That's when she said that she was implying that it was Fregley in order to MISLEAD me. I felt deceived, tricked, bamboozled, fooled, duped, deluded, double-crossed, hoodwinked, and SWINDELED. But at least I had the account BACK. I officially decreed that Holly was now one of my least favorite people, and I tried to leave.

But she called me back. She said she wasn't done until she got the account back. She said that she was going to hack me again, and again, and again, and then ruin everything I built up, getting my moderator status revoked permanently, and DESTROY all the friendships I had in both Pokimane's chat and AT SCHOOL. Holly said she was going to make my LIFE a NIGHTMARE. 

So I said that I'd like to see her try and ran away.

I'd like to think that problem was finally solved.

Anyway, in the meantime, I'm going to tell Poki that if I ever say anything mean or like what Holly started to spread, then assume I got HACKED. I'll just change the email again. When I got home, Rodrick didn't totally bother me this time, so I'm guessing his revenge plot is done and he's gotten over it. Speaking of family stuff, Mom is planning an Easter trip to Grandma's like I mentioned, so in only 2 days we'll be going. I may not update this until then, and I'll share if anything interesting happens.

Meanwhile Manny has finally been banned from the internet because we changed all the passwords so he wouldn't know. He hasn't stopped CRYING about the fact that he can't watch TommyInnit anymore, whoever that is. And lastly, Dad has been doing something of his own. Since we got Netflix a week back, he's been binging plenty of shows. Now he's onto some show called Riverdale. He's already on season 3, and he just won't shut up about "Jughead." So family life's been weird. That's pretty much it though. It's been really busy.

Once I'm done with homework for today, I'm gonna think about getting SURFSHARK VPN to stop Holly from hacking me again.


	11. The Heffleys Do Easter (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Heffleys go to Gramma's for dinner, but first, Rodrick has someone they should meet. And it's not good.

FRIDAY

Yesterday was Easter and oh boy was it CRAZY. It started with a normal plan to go to Gramma's and celebrate over dinner, and ended with a PARTY at our house that got RODRICK grounded. I'll start from the very beginning. It started when I went downstairs and saw that the Easter Bunny had came. By the afternoon, Manny was practically SICK from eating chocolate. I made sure to save some to give to Chirag next week. But we had to go to church, so that's what we did. After that we made our way to Gramma's house. 

But before we could even leave the house, there was a knock at the door. When we opened it, I was really surprised who was there...a total STRANGER who looked really WEIRD. They had purple hair, a ton of silver rings, a striped black tee with long sleeves, and ripped jeans. Not only that, but they also had earrings, eye makeup, a nose ring, and a lot of blush. That's when someone pushed me away and called me a "twerp." Rodrick. He KNEW this girl. That's when Mom and Dad came over.

Mom was really surprised but excited while Dad was annoyed and didn't trust this person. That's when Rodrick said something that really blew our minds. He was DATING her. Mom was ecstatic because I don't think anyone's seen Rodrick date anyone before. Dad was also surprised but more cautious because I think he thought she was WEIRD. Maybe it was because Rodrick said her name was bunnhoney_catg0rl2215. I asked if that was a username, but no. Apparently she legally changed her NAME to that.

Rodrick did say it was her TikTok username and supposedly that is where they met in the first place. Basically, she was a big fan of Loded Diper and his other videos, so they made a group chat and quickly they became friends. I guess he took it a few steps further, because when he learned "Bunn" lived in Plainview also, they met up and got together. I was just really confused how fast this happened and how long ago and WHY he never brought it up until right now.

Rodrick said he thought Dad would be angry about it, and Dad replied by saying "you bet I am." But Mom was too happy to care, and that's when Rodrick said he wanted to introduce Bunn to the FAMILY. I didn't get what he meant at first, but then I realized that he meant he wanted to bring her to GRAMMA'S. Dad and I probably felt the same, thinking this was way too soon and sudden. But Mom said it was a great idea. So we all prepared to leave when we realized Manny had walked off.

I found him in the kitchen, and to my dismay, he ate ALL of my Easter chocolate except for one dark chocolate rabbit, the candy I was going to give to Chirag. I was really mad at him, but of course Mom and Dad just laughed it off. So we all piled into the car and Rodrick was bragging about the car and his Loded Diper van to his girlfriend. I didn't think it was much to BRAG about. He sat in the backseat with her, next to Manny in his little car seat. Dad drove the car as Mom was in the passenger seat, turning around every five seconds to embarrass Rodrick. 

I had to sit in the trunk and correct Rodrick whenever he outright LIED to Bunn about things. He said stuff like how all our cars and even our house cost more than Ariana Grande's net worth. I don't think HE even understood what he was saying. Of course, Bunn believed every little thing he said. Rodrick also said he went to a prestigious border school last year, that we had a second, summer house in Paris, and that they filmed The Bee Movie in our town. That last one didn't even make any sense.

But Bunn was not only falling for it, but also falling for HIM. I tried to correct Rodrick, but he told me to shut up. He called me a dweeb, too. So today was going great. 

Eventually Bunn started being all sickly sweet and trying to "snuggle." So before things could get any worse, I sat back and ignored them so I wouldn't be able to see anymore.

After 40 minutes we finally arrived at Gramma's and somehow everything went even farther downhill. Gramma asked who Bunn was, and Rodrick explained, also adding that she was an "e-girl." Gramma looked like she had no clue what that meant, but she played along. Everyone else was either confused and weirded out or surprised and happy for Rodrick. 

We talked to the family a bit and did other Easter celebrations before dinner. Even Mom, Dad, and I got to talk to Bunn more. She said I was just "okay." So she sure is NICE. During one of the celebrations, I overheard Rodrick talking about something on the phone. We had all been doing an Easter egg hunt in the backyard when Rodrick had to answer a call. A minute later, I had to go to the bathroom, so on the way to it, I found him. I hid behind a corner and EAVESDROPPED on him talking to another Loded Diper band member, Chris. He was talking about Bunn, and it didn't sound GOOD.

Rodrick was saying that his relationship with her was all FAKE. He apparently did like her, but the main reason he wanted to get with her, besides the fact his love life was cripplingly lonely, was because Bunn was the cousin of the roommate of the mother of CHARLI D'AMELIO. He figured with that kind of clout, he could get Loded Diper universally famous and become a LEGEND. I was in shock. Rodrick was totally USING this e-girl.

Also, Rodrick just thought she was hot.

So I came back after going to the bathroom, and it was finally time for dinner. And what ended up happening was INSANE. I have to do homework now, but I will continue the story in tomorrow's entry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end of part 11. part 2 of the Easter thing will be up in a week probably. Sorry for the weirdbad images btw


	12. The Heffleys Do Easter (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY VALENTINES DAY PEOPLE
> 
> Easter quickly goes even more downhill as Rodrick and Bunn do crazy stuff, Manny goes sicko mode, and their relatives resort to drastic measures.

_PREVIOUSLY, ON DOASK! Rodrick got a gamer girl gf, but he is actually using her, because she is related to CHARLI D'AMELIO. Then Greg found out his secret, Susan was cringe, Frank was angry, and Manny went a little sicko mode. Also their grandma acted like a boomer during Easter. Now, find out what happens next..._

SATURDAY

So after all that drama on Thursday, we were finally ready for Easter dinner. To say the least, it didn't go very WELL. I was starting to think Manny WANTED to get on everyone's nerves. He kept crying about how he wanted to go back to watching streamers. So Mom was forced to shove a tablet in his face and open YouTube Kids. He was distracted momentarily, but who knew when he would strike AGAIN. Anyway, Rodrick was telling the story of how he and Bunn met to the rest of the family. He had his arm around her, and I think that might be the first time he felt the touch of a WOMEN. (note to self, cut out this part. if Rodrick finds this entry, I would be dead). Most of the family seemed happy but some of them were just confused and weirded out. I don't know if they understood the concept of TIKTOK.

At the dinner, we ate turkey, peas, mashed potatoes, bread rolls, corn, cranberry sauce, pie, and even cake. Most of it was pretty gross, but there was plenty to ENJOY too. Things weren't actually a disaster this time, aside for the occasional things Bunn said that gave me second-hand embarrassment. At least that's what I thought. Until when Manny finally cracked like an EASTER EGG. He burst out into a tantrum because Mom tried to make him eat peas and corn. He kept on crying, and it was really annoying. Manny was super picky. He acted like veggies were the spawn of the devil.

Eventually she had to give him a slice of blueberry pie so he would comply and eat 1 single pea. But it didn't end there. After dessert, the older family members went off to play cards, and I was stuck painting eggs with Manny, Mom, Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Joe (No, not that joe). Rodrick and Bunn were glad to get away from us and Dad went to talk to Gerald, Mom's cousin, who apparently was also a Riverdale fan.

I painted some Twitch related stuff on mine, and everyone was just really confused as to what it was. Manny drew the Cocomelon logo on his, and Mom made hers rainbow colored. Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Joe painted an easter bunny and made theirs blue and orange. Now that sounds all FINE, right? Well, it was all DOWNHILL from there. It started with Aunt Dorothy asking Manny if he knew his ABCs yet, and he said he was actually starting to read some picture books with Mom's help. She asked what some good ones were to read to her best friend's 5 year old. That's when the worst possible thing happened...

I knew then, it was too late for Manny. We would have to put him down, or else he would never recover. But when I brought it up to mom, she just scolded me. I figured I had to do something else to stop the vile, controlling beast, but what? He had to be destroyed. Annihilated. OBLITERATED. Blown to SMITHEREENS. Or worse...put in TIME OUT. But it had never happened before. How could I get him in trouble? I thought, and I realized, if I could come up with a good enough lie...I could really get him punished. For the first time. He definitely deserved it. With the good idea in my mind, I excused myself to talk to Gramma, and Mom seemed pretty HAPPY I was socializing with another family member. I knew she was religious, so I went up to her and told her that I was pretty sure that Manny WAS the spawn of the devil. She seemed shocked and really worried. She said if we were gonna help Manny at all, we would need to do the only possible method for someone POSSESSED. And if it didn't work, it meant there was no saving Manny, and he was probably the devil itself. I couldn't believe how easy it was to trick her. She said she needed some water and a rope or something like that. She also added that anesthesia would work too. I just grabbed a long blanket and said it would work as a rope. That's when Gramma realized she was out of HOLY water. I wondered why in the world she would have that in her house in the FIRST place. She now needed a kind of substitute, but she didn't think normal water would cut it. I tried thinking of how we could replace it when BUNN came over. She apparently overheard that we needed water and she had some. She passed a container to Gramma, and Gramma thought it must be more holy water. But I saw the label, and while I didn't really get it, I knew it must NOT be. It said "Belle Delphine's Bathwater." Before I could wonder what it meant, Gramma told me to bring Manny over there. I had to tell him there was cake involved before he willingly followed me. The second he came over, I was in SHOCK as Gramma said this...

She said we had to tie up Manny so he wouldn't escape, and honestly, I was pretty glad to hear that. It sounded like Manny would be really upset, and that's exactly what I WANTED. I got the blanket and followed Gramma's orders, Manny crying loudly. That's when the rest of the family ran in and saw Manny tied to a chair, yelling, Gramma preparing to throw bathwater in his face, and me, standing like a deer in headlights. Before they could say anything, the water fell onto Manny and he cried even harder. Our relatives were upset and confused, and Mom & Dad were FURIOUS. Meanwhile, Bunn was upset that we used her water to torture a child, and Rodrick and I were trying not to laugh. Rodrick then noticed Bunn and went to comfort her, and Mom furiously YELLED at Gramma. She grabbed Manny, freeing him from his trap, and stormed out, yelling that Gramma was CRAZY and they would go to a different relative's home for next Easter.

Before we left the house, we all went to the bathroom and got ready for the 40 minute drive back home. Mom tried calming down both Manny and herself, Dad looked tired, Rodrick and Bunn were all awkward, and Gramma looked troubled. I asked her what was wrong and she stared at me with a solemn look. She told me that it was too late, and that if the exorcism didn't work, then that meant Manny was the devil incarnate, and that he was too far gone. Knowing this was all FAKE anyway, I told her I'd call a professional. She told me that wouldn't work, and there was no saving him. Also, Mom might be a demon HELPER of his or something, so maybe go call 911. I said that I would look into it, and fled. Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Joe said goodbye and apologized for whatever it was that just HAPPENED. Mom was considering going into anger management therapy while Dad had to wait for Manny to be done peeing. Then we would leave. But that's when Rodrick got a genius idea and told it to me. He said we should lock Manny in the bathroom and leave him BEHIND. I said I would do it, and locked the door.

I told Dad that Manny was done and that Rodrick was with him. Too annoyed and tired to care, Mom and Dad believed us and went into the car. Mom said we were never gonna visit Gramma, at least not for a while, and Dad almost fell asleep at the wheel. Rodrick was bragging some more and saying lies like how Gramma was an escaped convict from jail of 30 years and that was why she was a little "cuckoo." Of course Bunn believed every word, not seeming fazed by that worrying information. I assume Manny was probably crying and yelling in the bathroom while we drove away. We were already home once they realized he wasn't WITH THEM. Mom and Dad left us behind to rest since it was almost 9PM, and they went back to get Manny. Not long after they left, Rodrick said he had an idea. He was gonna throw a party before Bunn went home, and he would invite all of Löded Diper and play a whole song for her. I guess he underestimated how long it would take Mom and Dad to get back home, because it was only about forty minutes. And by the time they showed up, our house was filled with junk and people I'd never seen before. I guess they decided to come after our last party, which didn't end well, but Rodrick didn't listen to me. Bunn was pretty EXCITED about it though, and that was enough for him to start the party.

He got out his drums and played for everyone, too. It was pretty INSANE. But it at all stopped when Mom and Dad walked in. They busted the party and everyone had to go home. Bunn didn't seem very impressed, for once. After the obvious lies, the Gramma exorcism thing, and this party that got ruined, she wasn't really having it anymore. And Rodrick was being a big baby about getting in trouble. Bunn was just on her phone, not paying attention, and Mom told her to go home. As she was leaving, she turned around to face Rodrick, who was saying goodbye, and said they were OVER. I was in shock, and it seemed like it was going well, but I guess not. She said that she found a much more POPULAR TikTokker and they were in love. She left with that heartless comment, and I figure Rodrick is gonna take a while to recover. He and I still got in so much trouble after that. Rodrick won't be leaving the house for a good few weeks. And Manny never got in trouble one BIT. Other than ALL that...

I think this Easter went pretty well, considering.

(end of pt12. aah this was one day late on ao3 sorry! pt13 will probably also take awhile, sorry this one took forever lol, happy valentine's day peeps)


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